Photography Project: Birthday 365

I'm using my recent birthday to inaugurate a Project 365. In this age of Instagram, it's fairly essential that I develop a more consistent style to my photography. One of the ways I want to explore is to take more photos just for fun. I'm going to document this here rather than on my photography blog, because I want to keep that one in the general shape of a professional blog. This blog is for all my messy experimentation and trying.

So, here are the days of catching up for the last week:

(iPhone) August 23 Lancaster, CA: My birthday was spent at my friend Beth Davis' house. It was the day before her daughter's wedding, so I took a few quiet moments in the morning to sit in the cool morning air of the desert. While there, I experimented with some new film-like filters on my phone. This is her son's bike, just sitting in the front yard. It was a delightfully ordinary day.

(Canon 5DM4) August 24, Los Angeles, California. This was on the front lawn of the LA temple. I was not the photographer for the wedding, but did have all my gear with me. It was fun to snap a few shots here and there. We enlarged this one for the reception and Emily, the bride, really liked it. That was nice to hear. I do think this photo is my "style." It's natural, the focus is selective, and it's composed off center. Those are definitely things I tend to do.

(iPhone, Portrait Mode) August 26th 2018 I love walks in the desert at Sunset. This is me playing around with my phone, pushing Portrait Mode to create depth of field without a face in the photo. It fights me on the focus sometimes, but I love how this one turned out. 

(Canon 6D, 24-105mm) August 27, Ventura, CA. We went for a beach day and had a few hours of lovely sunshine, then a storm blew across the horizon, it clouded over and the temperature dropped 10 degrees. We ditched the beach and went for Tacos. It was a really lovely day.

(Canon EOS something--my film camera) 28 I'm counting this even though it was taken a couple of weeks ago. I was on a plane all day on this day. I got the scans back this week and I played around with them. It was fun to fiddle with film again.

(Canon 5dM4) August 29. I was taking photos for possible featuring in a hub I'm a member of, and came up with this one. I didn't get featured, but it was fun to capture and document Eric always being willing to clean up after I cook.

(iPhone) August 30. This was taken on a walk around the neighborhood. I looked up and was blown away by the clarity of the sky, the beauty of the green, and the harmony of the entire scene. I do love that this is my neighborhood. 

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Welling Up

I'm getting to that point. The one in that Anais Nin quote about the bud and the blossom. The one in that blog post about the Harajuku Moment. I'm almost tired enough of where I am to do the hard things. Today I carried my workout bag with me all day. I didn't make it to the gym, because I put people first and spent time with friends, then did backed up work (editing from JANUARY--for the love!) and then shopped for our party tomorrow, but I took the dang bag with me. If I decide to get up in the morning and go to the gym, I don't even need to get out of my pajamas. I can just walk to the car and drive to the gym. And maybe I will.

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Measurement Day

Today we posted our measurements and took our first baseline photos. While of course I think I look ugly in the photos, let's just get that out of the way right off the bat,  it wasn't a huge deal for me.

Two things.

• One: As a visual, artistic person who studies art and beauty in all forms, I know that I'm not a pretty woman. I'm certainly not malformed or diseased, and I have a nice smile and inner beauty and all that, but I'm not pretty. Even when I was a skinny size 6 I knew I wasn't pretty. And you don't need to consolingly tell me I am pretty to make me feel better. See below. 
• Two: Not being pretty never bothered me too much. It was just something I was aware of, like the fact that I have brown eyes. So, I'm not looking to magically become pretty. I CAN however, look like a better version of myself. I can be fitter and stronger and have nicer proportions. That is possible through habit change and body transformation. 

As for the actual taking of the photos or looking at them, well, I look at myself in the mirror regularly. Sometimes I think I'm hoping I'll hear a voice asking me what my three wishes are and that will be the end of all my weight and health woes. So far, no voices except in my head. My husband took the photos and his is a blind and devoted love, so I didn't feel self-conscious. He was probably thrilled to see me in just the tankini, haha, which I never wear alone, always covered by a rash guard and board shorts.

I know Coach Pam has seen plenty of people like me, plus her job is to be on my side, so I'm not worried about her opinion. Most people don't look like models or "after" pics. Lots of us look like me in some way or another. Size 12, baby (Sorry for the language). The pictures DO show that I'm not very fit, and my body is covered with a layer of fat that most likely is not awesome for my health. That says to me that I should change. Now, because of the 5 c-sections, I may never have a flat belly unless I opt for more surgery to reverse the effects of those surgeries. I know women who had twins or who had c-sections that do go for the tummy tuck, and they've been very happy. I don't have the money for an elective plastic surgery right now, but who knows, maybe in 5 years I will. And who knows, after I lose the belly fat, maybe the poor, flayed skin and muscle won't be able to recover and I'll have to have the surgery. Ha.

Anyhoo, I won't burn your eyes with my before pics, but they are done and uploaded. Let the after begin.

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