How can I plan and prepare for my week ahead to give myself the best chance of succeeding with my lessons, habits, and workouts?
I struggle so much with a question like this, because I know how, but for me the weakness is in the follow-up. I can make a list. I can get my workout clothes out the night before. I can have my workout cheat sheets all printed or loaded up on my ipad to take to the gym.
Etc. Etc.
I've made plans and prepared like this over and over, then the morning comes, and there is nothing in me that motivates me to get up and put those plans into action. I'm don't want to move. I'm warm and comfortable. I'm bored with the routine. I don't hate my body enough to get up and go take care of it. If I do get up, it's to do something for someone else. Otherwise, inertia takes over.I guess what this says is that I'm not really ready to change. I want things to be different, but I'm not ready to do the changing.
That's how lame I am. Or how lame that declaration makes me feel.About some things, I am highly proactive. About many things, I really am reactive. Only the last minute or a mess-up will really motivate me to do things differently.
Along with PN, I'm also reentering the world of Brave Girls. They teach CBT through art and writing. The basics are the same. You have to figure out what's true before you can move forward.
Hard stuff.
Here is what's true. I'm not always honest about what I'm capable of or willing to do. When I over commit or say I'll do something that is not really right for me to do, I generally end up feeling resentful and blocked about doing it.
Here is what is also true. Exercise and movement hurt more and more for me these days. I know that doing them more often will result in less weight and more flexibility and strength, thus less eventual pain, but that is abstract. I do not deal well in the abstract. I need tangibility. What is tangible is what my body is touching and experiencing right now. It's difficult for me to move beyond this moment.
So here I am. Tomorrow is a new day, a new week, and I can move forward if I want to.
That's the big question. Do I want to? I want to be forward, in a new place, but I don't necessarily want to move there. I want to be transported there, and that is just not how it works.
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