Measurement Day

Today we posted our measurements and took our first baseline photos. While of course I think I look ugly in the photos, let's just get that out of the way right off the bat,  it wasn't a huge deal for me.

Two things.

• One: As a visual, artistic person who studies art and beauty in all forms, I know that I'm not a pretty woman. I'm certainly not malformed or diseased, and I have a nice smile and inner beauty and all that, but I'm not pretty. Even when I was a skinny size 6 I knew I wasn't pretty. And you don't need to consolingly tell me I am pretty to make me feel better. See below. 
• Two: Not being pretty never bothered me too much. It was just something I was aware of, like the fact that I have brown eyes. So, I'm not looking to magically become pretty. I CAN however, look like a better version of myself. I can be fitter and stronger and have nicer proportions. That is possible through habit change and body transformation. 

As for the actual taking of the photos or looking at them, well, I look at myself in the mirror regularly. Sometimes I think I'm hoping I'll hear a voice asking me what my three wishes are and that will be the end of all my weight and health woes. So far, no voices except in my head. My husband took the photos and his is a blind and devoted love, so I didn't feel self-conscious. He was probably thrilled to see me in just the tankini, haha, which I never wear alone, always covered by a rash guard and board shorts.

I know Coach Pam has seen plenty of people like me, plus her job is to be on my side, so I'm not worried about her opinion. Most people don't look like models or "after" pics. Lots of us look like me in some way or another. Size 12, baby (Sorry for the language). The pictures DO show that I'm not very fit, and my body is covered with a layer of fat that most likely is not awesome for my health. That says to me that I should change. Now, because of the 5 c-sections, I may never have a flat belly unless I opt for more surgery to reverse the effects of those surgeries. I know women who had twins or who had c-sections that do go for the tummy tuck, and they've been very happy. I don't have the money for an elective plastic surgery right now, but who knows, maybe in 5 years I will. And who knows, after I lose the belly fat, maybe the poor, flayed skin and muscle won't be able to recover and I'll have to have the surgery. Ha.

Anyhoo, I won't burn your eyes with my before pics, but they are done and uploaded. Let the after begin.