I actually forgot I started this blog. Oh my.
But opportunities have been coming to me. I am being given chances to create. Time marches on and things will change whether I'm keeping up and changing at the same rate or not.
It was good to read that creative autobiography I wrote some 4 months ago, but I'm not making any progress in becoming a creative force in my own life.
Here is a story to illustrate what motivates me:
On Friday, I didn't have a particular plan for my day, but I did have some things I needed to do. I bagged out of running, so I went back to bed after getting Ev off to seminary. I felt tired, so I let my body sleep and ended up just staying in bed all morning, in spite of the stuff I felt was truly important and wanted to get done. Suddenly, as I was attempting to get myself moving, I got a text from C, one of my favorite folks in the world. I don't see her often, but my experiences seeing her are always positive. It meant a lot to me that she reached out to me while she was up in this area running errands. Adrenaline flooded my system and I was ready and out the door in 10 minutes, looking truly forward to spending time with her, even if it was only a few minutes.
And another one:
On Saturday, I was excited about teaching my class at 1:00. I'd made a list and had a plan to run a bunch of errands on the way to the shop. I putzed around and didn't do it, then I remembered that I needed to make some refreshments for a baptism later that day. I got that taken care of, then had to leave directly for the class. I had no problem getting the refreshments made and myself to class to teach, but the other stuff just completely flummoxed me. I was blocked. After the class I went straight to one important errand, but then decided to ditch the rest of them when I discovered that a friend who left today to move to California was available to bring her kids over and have dinner with us one last time. I was focused, quick to act and enthusiastic about getting home, getting dinner made, tidying the house, etc.
Here are some things I can figure from those two stories.
But opportunities have been coming to me. I am being given chances to create. Time marches on and things will change whether I'm keeping up and changing at the same rate or not.
It was good to read that creative autobiography I wrote some 4 months ago, but I'm not making any progress in becoming a creative force in my own life.
Here is a story to illustrate what motivates me:
On Friday, I didn't have a particular plan for my day, but I did have some things I needed to do. I bagged out of running, so I went back to bed after getting Ev off to seminary. I felt tired, so I let my body sleep and ended up just staying in bed all morning, in spite of the stuff I felt was truly important and wanted to get done. Suddenly, as I was attempting to get myself moving, I got a text from C, one of my favorite folks in the world. I don't see her often, but my experiences seeing her are always positive. It meant a lot to me that she reached out to me while she was up in this area running errands. Adrenaline flooded my system and I was ready and out the door in 10 minutes, looking truly forward to spending time with her, even if it was only a few minutes.
And another one:
On Saturday, I was excited about teaching my class at 1:00. I'd made a list and had a plan to run a bunch of errands on the way to the shop. I putzed around and didn't do it, then I remembered that I needed to make some refreshments for a baptism later that day. I got that taken care of, then had to leave directly for the class. I had no problem getting the refreshments made and myself to class to teach, but the other stuff just completely flummoxed me. I was blocked. After the class I went straight to one important errand, but then decided to ditch the rest of them when I discovered that a friend who left today to move to California was available to bring her kids over and have dinner with us one last time. I was focused, quick to act and enthusiastic about getting home, getting dinner made, tidying the house, etc.
Here are some things I can figure from those two stories.
- I am worried about money right now, so the errands have me trying to decide how best to pay for them.
- I fear the business side of photography for lots of reasons.
- I am easily distracted by other thoughts, in this case, worry about a friend.
- I am more motivated by service than I am professional obligations.
- I have trouble getting started when the only accountability is to myself, but I can get started quickly when the accountability is to someone else, or I feel that I'm helping someone else.
- I am distracted by the clutter in my house, because recently, while in California and staying at a hotel, I had no problem working consistently for hours at a time.
- I am settled and grounded by motion, because I can work on my computer easily when I'm peddling on my bike.
- I am not interested in taking care of myself right now for some reason. I can't quite figure that one out, it's just an observation.
I am not sure what to do about all this information, but there it is. I am hoping that by writing about it, I can put it to the daylight test and find solutions.
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